A Plan For Recovery

The Plan

It's incredibly surreal to think that it was only a week ago that we had this healthy looking kid with a bum leg that we brought down to DeVos to figure out what was going on . . .

 . . . and then a week later we are pumping him full of stuff that we pray will kill this horrible disease.  Wednesday marked our first day of treatment for MacKale.  No wonder why this still seems like a bad dream that we'll wake from at any moment.  But nope!  This is our new reality.  Fortunately, between getting the official diagnosis on Friday and starting chemo yesterday, we were able to head home for a few days.  We all needed to see the little boys.  We needed to be home.  We needed to deal with the shell shock caused by the cancer bomb that was dropped on our world.   We needed to feel normal, if only for a few days or hours.  Luckily, MacKale was able to attend school for a couple of hours Monday and Tuesday, and those days were awesome.  Despite his initial nervousness, when I picked him up, he was laughing and happy.  How could this happy go lucky kid be sick?

But then Wednesday, it was back to reality. We woke early enough to get the little boys off to school before we had to head down to Grand Rapids.  This was really important to me, as I know that they are feeling the stress of not having me at school with them.  I took for granted how fortunate I have been to sneak into the lunch room and give them a squeeze midday or spend a few chaotic moments before and after school chatting it up with them. I know, in my heart that they are in great hands, but it doesn't really keep my momma heart from feeling a bit torn in two.  I know Mike feels it too.  It's a tight rope we are walking, but we're doing it together.

Our appointment with our oncologist on Wednesday outlined our plan of action for the next nine months to year of treatment.  I love this doctor more than I can say.  She totally gets me and our need (ok MY need) to see a plan even if tentative, so that I can find some peace.  Which means Mike and Mac will have peace, because then I won't be a complete and total wreck.  In basic terms, MacKale will go through about 11 or so weeks of chemo treatment, followed by surgery on his leg and then another 4-5 months of chemo.  This is no sprint friends!  This is a marathon.  We are going to need all our strength and the support of our friends and family to make it.  But make it, we will!

Treatment Begins

With a plan in place, we began treatment Wednesday night.  Because the chemo that MacKale is getting this time around can be hard on his kidneys, it was necessary to hydrate him for a good 10 hours before beginning.  This proved to be pretty convenient because by the time the actual chemo began, it was late in the evening and he was able to sleep during most of the time that it was being administered and woke later than he usually does in the morning.  He was pretty miserable for most of the day.  He kept telling me he felt FULL, not necessarily nauseous, just full.  I suspect he just doesn't know what the sensation is really called and that's his best description.  Luckily, they pumped him full of some great anti-nausea meds, and he has thankfully dodged that bullet so far. At one point he woke up after a LONG stretch of sleeping and declared he had just had 'the most awesome nap,' but felt pretty miserable soon after again.  Later in the evening though, we were lucky enough to have his mood turn around.  He perked right up when his two babysitters stop by.  He even felt good enough for a bit of a little Wii tournament.  It was such a blessing to see him smile and laugh.  These girls have my heart let me tell you.  They broke away from their own midterm studies at college to come to 'play' with Mac.  God sends angels when we need them.  These sweet girls are proof of it.

Thank you Jenna and Erica.  

Some Peace

There is no doubt that this journey is going to be a trying one.  It is amazing how quickly things can seem to start to fall apart, how your life can seem to be spinning out of control and you can't seem to catch up with it.  At some point last week, Mike said to me that we needed to somehow get the news of MacKale out to our friends and family.  People were wanting to know what was going on.  I knew we needed to do something, but I just couldn't bring myself to write the words and didn't want him to see my anguish while I wrote it.  But then, I just did it.  I posted it on my teacher blog, because, quite selfishly, I wanted and needed prayers for my boys. Prayers where ever I could get them, from everyone and anyone.  And, thankfully, I got them.

I can tell you ,without a doubt, that God has been working overtime listening to prayers for my sweet boy and my family.  For the first time in a week, I was finally feeling more peace than I thought I would ever begin to feel again.  That was due entirely from the outpouring of prayers from family throughout the world.  Yes, I say they are all family, because if you have taken the time to consider MacKale in your prayers, you will always be family to us.  It is a precious, precious gift.

The road will be hard, but I still know with all certainty that God is good and God is bigger than you and I.  

We are truly blessed.  My friend Annie posted this on her blog, The Moffatt Girls, a couple of years ago.  At the time, I printed it off and kept is on my bathroom mirror so I would see it everyday.   It's been there for a couple of years, but was an especially gentle reminder for me this week as we prepared for the start of this journey.  

Please continue to pray for us, for healing for MacKale and for 'strength.'