I remember sitting at McGill's soccer game on September 29th and waiting for Mike to call me and tell me that MacKale's blood test showed he had an inhibitor. We lived at those fields for the last 5 years. If it wasn't MaGill's game, it was McCoy's or most often MacKale's. He was on a traveling team and had started officiating some games this year. But then Mike showed up with MacKale and McCoy at the fields and said that MacKale didn't have an inhibitor. He had a fracture, but that wasn't enough information so they did an ultrasound and Dr. Mitchell would be calling us.
I just KNEW . . . I knew in my gut something wasn't right. All I wanted to do was to get home and get Dr. Mitchell on the phone. You have to remember that I have known this woman for almost 12 years. She is like family. She loves MacKale and we love that about her. So when she called, I went into my closet and closed the door. She said "there is a mass . . . we don't know what it is for sure . . . it might not be cancer . . . . " They needed to make sure so we needed to come down tomorrow for an MRI. But Dr. Mitchell knows me and she knew I was gonna push her for more information. I remember sitting on the floor in my closet and saying . . . 'but what if it is cancer?' I needed to hear it . . . 'If it's cancer, I think I can save his leg. I know you know I love MacKale. I will do everything in my power to save him.' If you've ever wondered what it really feels like to be alone, that's it. For me, that was the loneliest moment of my life. It was paralyzing. I couldn't sob. I couldn't lose it. I needed to hold it together for my family, for the boys, for Mike . . .for MacKale. The absolutely last thing I wanted Mac to feel was the loneliness that I was feeling at that moment. I didn't know how I was going to protect him from it, but I knew that he had to know, without a doubt, that he wasn't alone no matter what ended up happening. I prayed for faith without question . . . for wisdom . . . for the ability to protect him from this, but what I didn't realize at the time was that the answer to that feeling of 'being alone' in this fight would not come from me or Mike. It would come from his classmates and all of you. God had taken that burden from us and given it to someone else.
Mackinaw Trail Middle School
I remember the first time I saw a Team MacKale shirt. I was sitting in MacKale's hospital room and it came across my Facebook feed. I didn't quite know what I was seeing. I didn't know anything about it. But then they started popping up all over the place. I saw kids wearing them in the grocery store. The little boys and I were walking downtown one day, and I even saw them on the stuffed animals in Toy Town's window display.
People would ask me who had started the t-shirt drive, what's the story behind them or how to get them and I didn't have a clue. All I knew was that I would see a shirt or someone would send me a picture and I would show it to MacKale and it would boost his morale immediately. He knew from those pictures and from seeing people wearing the shirts that he wasn't alone. 'No one fights alone.' Right?
I told him, "Buddy, every time you see a shirt it tells you that someone is praying for you . . . They've got your back . . . They are here for you! They haven't forgotten you!" That's a pretty powerful message. He doesn't get to see his friends or attend school very often so seeing the shirts, absolutely reaffirmed the fact he wasn't forgotten.
Finally, the mystery of the shirts was solved when I got a note one day from Terryl Kovacevich, a mom of one of MacKale's classmates, Abby. Terryl wrote:
"In reading your blog you mentioned wanting to know who was behind Team MacKale shirt. I don't want this message to be taken as a "who", but as a why.
A few of us parents have 6th graders at MTMS. When our children came home one day, the first thing out of their mouths were,"MacKale has cancer." We questioned our children, in disbelief. Then, you posted a blog and it backed up what our 6th graders had told us. The students wanted to do something. So, Megan Schopieray and myself thought about the idea of t-shirts. We contacted Kevin Mist for a design and Travis at Kelgraphics to see if he could do what these students wanted. Kevin and Travis both have 6th graders at MTMS also. As the word got out, multiple 6th grade parents offered to help. The 6th grade students cared about their classmate. Team MacKale shirts were it! Kids were ecstatic to be able to do something to show MacKale their support. These children couldn't wait to wear shirts in support of MacKale. When flyers were just put out and it was just launched on the Internet, that first night traffic flow crashed the Internet site! . . . This isn't about us, but about the kind child that you are raising that made students want to show support. These students think very highly of MacKale!!"
Yep! I cried!
Because here's the thing . . .I talk to MacKale and his brothers about this a lot, and I really believe it. . . I believe that everyone, no matter how young or small or old or busy . . . everyone everyday is presented with opportunities to 'do good.' God offers you these opportunities. They are His gift to us. That 'good' may be as simple as opening a door for someone, asking someone to play that doesn't have someone to play with or simply smiling at a stranger. Or the opportunity may be finding a way to make a sick child know that he's not alone. The opportunities are all around us. The 'taking' of that opportunity . . . the ability to act on those moments . . . that is up to us. And how do we teach our children to look for those opportunities and act on them . . . by modeling! In the case of MacKale, I believe that these amazing parents heard their children and saw that they desperately wanted to do 'something.' They set an amazing example for their own children and in the process have left MacKale with an army of supporters. I am sure this gift is far bigger than they ever thought it would get, and I guarantee you, it has a much greater impact on MacKale and our family than they can ever have imagine.
The problem of MacKale feeling alone and forgotten? Yea, I don't think that's something I need to worry about right now thanks to Team MacKale. Each and everyone of you has risen to the opportunity be kind . . . to 'do good' and you took advantage of the opportunity. I don't have words to tell you what that means to our family. In fact . . . pictures speak louder than words.
So let me show you just how amazing you all are. And I have a request . . . but I'l save that for the end. So check these out first.
Chad in Chicago, Miami, Belize, Honduras, Grand Cayman and Cozumel
Matt #10 in where ever MSU is playing that day!
All these folks are amazing right? I know. We are so incredibly blessed and are very aware of the fact that not every child going through treatment for cancer is shown this level of support. This is something extraordinary, God given and incredible.
And I hate to do this, but I'm going to ask you for one more favor. It is purely selfish on my part, but I'm going to ask anyway. If you have a Team MacKale shirt would you do our family a huge favor and plan on wearing it on Friday, January 29th. That's the day that MacKale goes into Limb Salvage Surgery. Surgery is risky under any circumstance. This surgery is a doozy. It will last 10-12 hours, with three different surgeons and then there is the added fact that MacKale has hemophilia.
So while I understand that he won't see you wearing the shirts, others will see you. And here is what I hope will happen . . . when you wear your shirt, others see you in that shirt and know that you're praying for MacKale. It will hopefully remind them to pray for MacKale on that day especially. I really want God to be working overtime listening to all those prayers. But here's the other thing that I hope will happen when you all wear your shirts. I hope it will show people you are all part of the same team. It will show all those kids that are trying to understand and cope with what's going on with their friend MacKale that we are all in this together. No matter how old you are, where you work, where you live, where you worship . . . all of you together are a team that supports and prays for MacKale. I hope it will reaffirm to everyone in this incredible community of Cadillac that together we are able to do amazing things and make an enormous difference in the lives of our neighbors.
And for people who don't know about MacKale . . . for you folks that maybe don't live in our community . . . perhaps someone will see you in your shirt and ask you what this 'Team MacKale' thing is all about. And maybe you can tell them about MacKale and they will in turn remember MacKale in their prayers.
And as for WHAT to pray for . . . please pray for healing for MacKale. Pray that every cancer cell is removed from his body. Pray that God will guide his surgeons and nurses during his surgery. Pray that MacKale will tolerate the pain and come out smiling. Pray that MacKale will be able to soon walk and play again. . . and return to his friends at school.
Kendall and Abby
God has truly blessed us with individuals that were shown an opportunity to help and to help in a way we couldn't have even imagined, and they accepted that challenge. I have to say a special thanks to the parents and students that started this T-Shirt extravaganza. To Abby and Kendall, who saw a friend in need and who came home and expressed a desire to 'do something' and to their parents, the Kovacevich and Schopieray families, for listening and making that 'something' happen. To Kevin Mist for the t-shirt design and then Travis from Kel Graphics for going above and beyond to make the shirts a reality. You are so incredibly special to us. We will never be able to express our gratitude for all you have done to reassure MacKale that 'no one fights alone' by making these shirts a reality. If loneliness was my fear for MacKale at one time, it surely isn't today.
Also, if you sent me a picture and I didn't put it in this post, I am SO incredibly sorry. I tried to keep them all together and organized, but I'm pretty sure I probably missed someone. If you haven't sent me a picture yet and would like to do so, please do. I show all the pictures to MacKale and he loves seeing them. Then I will also share them on his Facebook page.
And if you haven't gotten a shirt but would like one, Toy Town of Cadillac has taken over the selling and distribution of them. They ship anywhere in the US and you can find their website HERE or by clicking on the picture below.
**This post is written by MacKale. We have learned throughout this journey with MacKale that God has a way of 'sending the right people for the right reasons at the right time . . . every time.' These people are truly angels to us and in December, MacKale received a super-sized angel in the form of a new friend. December was a pretty rough month for MacKale. He was in isolation a lot due to a lingering virus, he couldn't go to school or church and he felt weak and miserable, but the one thing that got Mac through the tough times was texting back and forth with MSU basketball player, Matt Costello. We really believe that Matt has been that special angel that God has sent us to distract MacKale from the difficulties of chemo during December and bring a smile to his face when nothing else would. Here's MacKale's story of meeting his friend Matt for the first time in person.**
After having the chance to talk to Matt I really wanted to go to an MSU basketball game to watch him play in person. So I found out at Christmas time that my Grandma Lucy and Papa had tickets to one of the games, and they invited me and my dad to go with them. I was elated!!!! How cool!
We traveled down and found the hotel we were going to stay in because the game didn't start until 9 o'clock. We had great seats for the game in the 7th row. So when we came in to the Breslin Center originally we came in WAY up at the top but our seats were so far down that I would have had to crutch it like a bazillion steps down so we went and found an elevator and then I only had to go up a few steps. The seats were REALLY good. I could see everything. I even saw myself on the jumbotron once. It was focused on the guy in front of me, but I still got on it.
Of course, I was most excited to see my friend Matt play. He had a really good game . . . 14 rebounds and 9 points. It was exciting every time he made a shot, rebounded or block.
I wasn't really sure if I would get the to meet him after the game or not, because you know, he's kind of busy. But his mom told me to go down to the high five line and when Matt came around I was suppose to grab his arm and tell him 'this is Mac' so he would realize it was me. When he realized it was me he said 'Hey Buddy!'
And then he gave me a big hug.
It was really awesome to meet him after texting back and forth. Then all the players went into the locker room and Mr. Costello, Matt's dad, invited me into the family waiting room/players room. There was tons of pizza in there. And players could just take what they wanted. Some of them would take a WHOLE pizza and eat the whole thing. I'm not sure how they ate a whole pizza. But anyway, while I was there I got to meet some of the players (Gavin Shilling #34, Forbes #5 and Davis #23) while I waited to go in and see Matt in the locker room.
I saw this great big board where they post their goals near the pizza table (I promise I wasn't stealing any!). If they make their goal then they get a Spartan sign, if not they get their stats written in.
Then Mr. Costello and Matt took me into the locker room to check out where he gets ready. And he showed me all his shoes. There was an incredible amount of shoes for just playing basketball. He has so many that he let me just pick a pair. They were huge. I could put my shoes on and still fit in them! It was pretty cool. The pair I got were neon green and he played in them in 2012.
It was so neat to see where he and the other players get ready.
Then we got to see the practice gym.
And then guess where they showed me?
Coach Izzo's office is pretty big. The room next to Coach Izzo's is where Matt signed with MSU. It felt pretty special to have them spend time with me and show me around.
It was a pretty late night so I finally had to say good-bye to Matt and his fiancee' Anna. I think I finally went to bed at about 1:30am because I was watching a bunch of after game stuff and was still pretty excited. It was a pretty incredible night. One that I will remember forever, but the best part was getting to have fun with Matt (Do you know he wears Yoda hat --it's hilarious! He got it from his mom for Christmas.) and finding out he's a really great athlete because he's such a nice guy.
Go Spartans!
**'God sends us the right people at the right time for the right reasons every time.' I'm not sure what compelled Matt to reach out to MacKale that first time, but he did and it has given MacKale such joy. I was a bit worried that first time that MacKale texted Matt. Maybe Mac would be 'bothering' Matt. He's was a busy college student with a lot going on after all, but seeing those brief glimpses of delight from MacKale when he'd been so sick allowed me to selfishly think that maybe it really was, 'ok, ' and in fact, it was better than ok. I am so grateful that God chose Matt for MacKale.
They call it the 'Cisplatin Blues.' I despise the days following cisplatin chemo. Those days leave Mac lethargic, unresponsive, quiet, withdrawn and sometimes 'blue' which is not something that we often see from him. These days leave me holding my breathe in anticipation of things that 'might' happen. These days make me anxious, cause me to pack our bags just in case, walk around with vomit bags and a thermometer in my purse and they keep me from letting my gas tank fall below 1/2 full in anticipation of . . . fevers, infection, plummeting levels and other things I may not have yet experienced on this journey. They cause me to feel like I am constantly on the edge of a cliff, teetering . . . waiting for the other shoe to fall.
These were the days before Christmas for us. Those days that are usually filled with uncontained joy in the anticipation of family and celebration, left us on edge. Because you see, historically, 8 days after cisplatin, MacKale would end up back in the hospital. Christmas eve was 8 days after. All day long we kept waiting. We were ready. All the gifts had been wrapped and packed for two days before in anticipation of spending the holiday in the hospital. Regardless of what happened, whether we ended up at the hospital or at home, Mike and I made arrangements to make sure we would celebrate Christmas as a family . . . together. But then Christmas eve day came. MacKale said, 'Mom do you think you should take my temperature?' So I did, but nothing. It was normal. Then as the day went on, MacKale would say. "I can't believe it. This has been the longest I've ever made it. " Mentally we were all prepared, MacKale, McCoy and MaGill all were ready if we had to go. But the day went on and night time came. When we headed to bed on Christmas eve, MacKale said 'I can't believe I made it. I really made it. I'm going to spend Christmas at home aren't I?' And as I kissed him good night, we said a little prayer of thanksgiving for a gift we didn't think we would get. Christmas at home. He wasn't 100% or even close, but still, we were together and home! God gave us the best gift ever.
It was a quiet, incredibly peaceful day with just the five us at home. The boys were able to open their gifts, play, nap and be together. It was EXACTLY what we all needed. I was very protective of MacKale during that time. I was still holding my breath. I knew his levels were low, low, low. So we stuck to ourselves and stayed at home so that we could avoid returning to the hospital. I knew that Mike's family would be arriving in Cadillac from Seattle and downstate in just a few days, and I wanted to do everything I possible could to insure MacKale and the boys would be able to enjoy the time their cousins while they were here.
Monday came and as anticipated, MacKale's levels were low enough that we needed to get him back to DeVos for a platelet transfusion, just in time for a nasty storm. I could drive and be a nervous wreck or stay home and wait with the little boys and be a nervous wreck . . . I let Mike have the honor of driving.
But they made in back . . . in one piece and by the next day, MacKale was feeling a little bit better. Better enough to hang out with the family and participate in his favorite pass time of eating (Thank goodness for appetite stimulants) and cards and pigs and spoons. I actually heard belly laughs coming from him for the first time in weeks. I started to exhale . . . but just a little.
And Santa showed up . . . just when you thought he was done for the year . . . he made a special visit.
Who knew? He's a Spartan basketball and Matt Costello fan, too!
He stayed long enough for a quick picture and was off to his much deserved vacation.
Liam Allan, Palmer McGuire, 'Papa' Jim McGuire, Craig Allan, Scott McGuire
Jenna W, MacKale, Cori Allan, Grandma Lucy McGuire, Val Allan, MacKenzie Allan, Me,
MaGill, Santa, McCoy, Rocco M, Romi M,
Mike, Milo and Jessica McGuire
And MacKale continued to feel good . . . good enough for a snowmobile ride.
Good enough to gather an arsenal together . . .
for a full family . . .
. . . full on . . . nerf gun war!!!
And good enough to end the night with Uncle Craig playing and Cori leading a little sing along. It was a full . . . FULL day, and he was feeling good. That liquid gold . . . those platelets were doing their job for sure.
Having family in town really pulled MacKale out of that state of being 'blue.' I was so amazingly grateful to see glimpses of the boy I knew and love interacting with friends and family from before all 'this. ' It was the medicine he needed to find himself again. This is the boy I knew that wasn't about 'I can't' and more like 'why can't I?' So when we headed to the YMCA for pickle ball, he had a plan and he played . . . better than most of us.
The family that plays pickle ball together . . .
. . . and Pie Face together. . .
. . . and Just Dance together, laughs, and giggles and loves and heals together. And I could breath a little bit better . . . things almost felt normal.
And if you have any doubt that MacKale sat out of any of these activities, I have proof that he didn't. Not only did he do 'couch' Just Dance, but he won every time . . . just like when he had two legs to beat us. That competitive streak was still alive and well.
It wasn't just MacKale that felt the healing power of being with family and friends. We all felt it. Mike and I and the little boys. . . all of us needed that time together and it was sad to see it end . . . we had to sneak in a couple of last minute snuggles and gummy worms with cousin Liam before they left.
It was almost the perfect Christmas. I mean if you asked the boys they would tell you it was the best Christmas ever . . . MacKale would say it was the best Christmas ever except for one thing . . . his beloved Spartans weren't able to pull it off during the Cotton Bowl, but that hasn't swayed him. He's still hard and true a green and white fan. He's just diverted his attention to basketball for the next several months. Go Spartans!!!
And so we made it. By the grace of God and because of so many of your prayers, we had the Christmas we prayed to have for MacKale and the boys. It was amazing. The blues have pretty much past. MacKale is feeling probably the best he's felt in many many weeks. He's been funny . . . I've caught him singing . . . and he's been picking at his brothers. All the things that are music to this momma's ears. Tomorrow he heads off to school for a few days before we start back up again with chemo. As much as I wish that I could freeze this time and hold on to these moments, the snuggles with all of us in bed together (I've discovered we really need to get a king-size bed), the tickle fights, board games, hot cocoa breaks and lazy long naps in the afternoon, I know that we need to continue on this journey. God has been so good to us this year, but we still have so far to go in MacKale's journey. We need to put our game faces back on and prepare for battle with cancer.
So as we prepare for 2016, while most people are making their resolutions and attempting to 'fix' all the broken things they don't like about their lives, our family has decided to take a pass on resolutions. Instead, as I also told my Differentiated Kindergarten blog readers, I am taking a cue from my teaching partner Kerri and I have chose to focus on one word. This will be my focus word for the year. My word to get me through when I don't think I can breathe. The word that will sustain me during all those hours on the road between here and Grand Rapids and all those nights I sit waiting for MacKale to feel 'better' in the hospital. This year, my word is FAITH. There has never been a time in my life that I have needed it more, that I have needed to share it with my boys more . . . I know these days ahead will not be easy for any of us and they will be especially difficult for MacKale, but we have to hold on to our faith. There will be days when I won't breathe. I know that. But I have to have faith that some how, some way, God will bring some good of all this. I pray this faith will sustain us and keep us strong.
A special thanks to everyone for all the blessings you have given us by following MacKale's journey in 2015. Please keep us in your prayers in 2016. For the immediate future, MacKale has two more rounds of chemo and then surgery scheduled for January 29th. I will, of course, keep you posted as the days come.
